reviews
Regal Cinema Miami Beach: An Obituary
Oct 1, 2025
Today, a movie theatre I grew up with—one that served cinephiles for 26 years—closed its doors. The Regal South Beach Cinema now joins the growing number of movie-mausoleums throughout the United States, and represents the disconnect Hollywood has had with even its most ardent supporters for over a decade.
Streaming Isn’t the Only Villain
Studios are quick to point to the rise of streaming services like Netflix and Hulu as the reason people stopped going to their local theatre. But careless spending on remakes nobody asked for—I’m looking at you, Naked Gun—and Hollywood’s obsession with Avengers-style franchises that inevitably flop have also led to the demise of America’s once-favorite communal spaces.
The Greed Problem
Hollywood’s greed at the box office has become close to insulting. Jurassic World: Rebirth is a 133-minute travesty from Universal Studios—the same studio that distributed Ethan Coen’s Honey, Don’t: an 89-minute mess that feels like some executive walked in and said, “This movie’s too long, and unless it’s got dinosaurs, people aren’t going to want to sit in anything that runs over an hour and a half—cut it.”
Meanwhile, Universal’s own theme park has wait times longer than Cohen’s half-movie—if the experience is good enough, people will sit in a theatre all day.
A Look Back at 2008
Think about the 2008 Best Picture nominees: No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Juno, Atonement, and Michael Clayton. All but one are over two hours long, and three of them are now considered classics.
Maybe if Universal wasn’t so laser-focused on making back the T-rex money, Cohen would have gotten an extra 30 minutes. Instead, I’m 30 bucks poorer—and salty.
Mass-Produced Movies
Americans don’t want to go to the theatre anymore because they’re sick of being sold TEMU-style movies for ETSY-style prices. Film isn’t hand-made anymore—it’s mass produced. Studios keep churning out 90-minute failing advertisements, too scared to take risks, too unwilling to create meaningful work.
And no, no amount of limited-edition popcorn buckets will pay a gargantuan theatre’s rent. The only thing that will save the movies are the movies themselves.
Today, a movie theatre I grew up with—one that served cinephiles for 26 years—closed its doors. The Regal South Beach Cinema now joins the growing number of movie-mausoleums throughout the United States, and represents the disconnect Hollywood has had with even its most ardent supporters for over a decade.
Streaming Isn’t the Only Villain
Studios are quick to point to the rise of streaming services like Netflix and Hulu as the reason people stopped going to their local theatre. But careless spending on remakes nobody asked for—I’m looking at you, Naked Gun—and Hollywood’s obsession with Avengers-style franchises that inevitably flop have also led to the demise of America’s once-favorite communal spaces.
The Greed Problem
Hollywood’s greed at the box office has become close to insulting. Jurassic World: Rebirth is a 133-minute travesty from Universal Studios—the same studio that distributed Ethan Coen’s Honey, Don’t: an 89-minute mess that feels like some executive walked in and said, “This movie’s too long, and unless it’s got dinosaurs, people aren’t going to want to sit in anything that runs over an hour and a half—cut it.”
Meanwhile, Universal’s own theme park has wait times longer than Cohen’s half-movie—if the experience is good enough, people will sit in a theatre all day.
A Look Back at 2008
Think about the 2008 Best Picture nominees: No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Juno, Atonement, and Michael Clayton. All but one are over two hours long, and three of them are now considered classics.
Maybe if Universal wasn’t so laser-focused on making back the T-rex money, Cohen would have gotten an extra 30 minutes. Instead, I’m 30 bucks poorer—and salty.
Mass-Produced Movies
Americans don’t want to go to the theatre anymore because they’re sick of being sold TEMU-style movies for ETSY-style prices. Film isn’t hand-made anymore—it’s mass produced. Studios keep churning out 90-minute failing advertisements, too scared to take risks, too unwilling to create meaningful work.
And no, no amount of limited-edition popcorn buckets will pay a gargantuan theatre’s rent. The only thing that will save the movies are the movies themselves.
